Get to know yourself and your partner all over again by using these 5 things to try if sex has become boring
If you and your partner’s sexual relationship needs a pleasure injection, read on to really get to know yourselves intimately
OK so maybe ‘boring’ is too strong a word. But unless you’re still in the land of milk and honey, spending your nights (and days) wandering nude from bedroom to kitchen to bedroom, being hand-fed grapes and tickled with feathers, I’m sure the honeymoon stage is well and truly behind you and sometimes sex has become boring. Not to say that those feelings of joy and excitement won’t and can’t return! So let’s see if we can do something about that…
The sexual intimacy you have with your partner is one of the most important aspects of your relationship. Sex, and satisfying sex for that matter, has long been quoted as one of the secrets to a long and happy relationship and if yours has ever taken a little dip, you’ll know that it can also affect other areas of your home life, your mood and happiness.
“Don’t bury your head in the sand – bury your head in the pillow!”
The important thing is to be honest about these peaks and troughs, both with yourself and with your partner. There is no shame in acknowledging that sex has become boring and that you need a little ‘change up’ from time to time. It is also important to remember that acknowledging this is not an admission of failure, or an admission that things are at rock bottom –more often than not, they aren’t.
And trying new things doesn’t mean they have to become a huge commitment and part of your regular sexual ‘repertoire’. My advice is to have fun. Try silly things, try things you didn’t think you would like and keep them for a rainy day if you do, discard if you don’t.
Think of something you’ve always wanted to try. Then ask your partner if they have any ideas. Some people like to reveal their deepest desires while others keep it conservative – it doesn’t matter!
It’s new and you’re trying and that’s what counts.
Here are my 5 things to try if sex has become boring:
1. Sex Toys
“Toys are fun” is the understatement of the century. Who can deny it? Sex toys are the exact opposite from boring. A toy or vibrator’s purpose in life to provide joy and stimulation. In fact one of the dictionary definitions of a Toy is ‘a gadget or machine, regarded as providing pleasure or amusement for an adult.’
And what’s more it is often a right laugh wading through the huge choice of questionable pleasure products available online nowadays. Try something different, try something dirty, try something ridiculous! Shop online together over a few glasses of wine one evening and get excited in anticipation for the pleasure product arriving. It really is win win. Be sure to check out the Know Yourself Range of course.
My favourite bedroom ‘all rounder’ for couples has got to be the REFRESH G-Spot Vibrator. No apologies for the shameless plug! Although I will apologise for the pun which leads nicely to my second tip…
2. Role Play
If any of you have ever seen Modern Family’s Claire and Phil act out the role play adventures of ‘Clive Bixby’ and ‘Julianna’ (S1 ep15 – please watch it), then you may have an idea of what role play might look like in a long-term relationships. For me and my partner, we are not in the hardcore method acting realm of role play but rather light-heartedly portray similar feats of ridiculousness as seen by the Claire and Phil characters. But it is fun!
If sex has become boring, and the mood strikes one evening, role play could be exactly the pleasure injection you both need. Be the personal trainer and the client, be the doctor and the patient, be the boss and the subordinate employee, teacher, student, delivery person and home owner or complete strangers… the role play list is endless!
Laugh off the silly moments and keep going even if you stray out of character. Then talk about it afterwards to find out what really worked for your partner because this is what you could try more of next time on your role play adventure. Who knew Plumbers worked overtime in the evenings?!
3. Anal Sex
If the thought of anything to do with anal sex grosses you out massively, it probably isn’t for you. If however you’re open to a little experimentation, then anal sex might be something fun for you and your partner to try.
For women, the pleasure involved in anal sex often comes from the taboo itself rather than any kind of anatomical pleasure, however because the majority of female pleasure comes from the brain before bits, this is likely to increase your overall pleasure experience.
Try using a finger or sex toy first, use lubricant, speak with your partner about what you will do beforehand, maybe have a glass of wine if the mood strikes and if anal sex isn’t for you, then move on.
And remember with anal sex, go slow. The receiver is always in control. Healthline.com has some great tips for anal sex beginners and a plethora of other great health and sex tips.
4. Outdoors / Around The House
If any of you remember having sex-in-a-toilet days, then you may have experienced this kind of thrill before. But I think we can do better than a club toilet… Have you ever spread your legs on your kitchen table top? Have you ever had sex on the balcony or on the outdoor lounge at the bottom of the garden?
Perhaps you have a large walk-in shower you could try one morning or just simply get nude on the sofa in front of the TV. The point is that you and your partner are getting out of your usual routine and trying something new which is exciting for a start off. Because of the unusual setting you’ll inevitably try different positions which are a great way to really explore what works for you and your partner beyond your regular positions.
If you don’t live alone, plan ahead a little in case your house mates decide to come home early one evening, or even worse… one of your children wake up. It may cost you in therapy in years to come!
Our Clitoris Clip On Vibrator PAUSE is essentially for a little versatile outdoor play and it really is amazing how it manages to tease the clitoris from all angles in all places! The Clitoris Clip On Vibrator can also be used during penetration as it is small enough to vibrate over the clitorial hood and won’t get in the way – a bonus for all couples and vulvas-havers!
This is one that all women should love – an excuse to buy some beautiful underwear! The aim is, to buy something you will generally only wear before or during sex. Don’t expect it to be super comfy, nor expect it to be practical in terms of chafing and visible lines under clothes – these babies should be just for the bedroom.
It’s unreal how much of an effect lingerie can have on both your own self-confidence and your partner’s sex drive.
For a real challenge, tell your partner your sizes and ask them to buy for you because it’s them you are really aiming for! My tip would be to buy suspenders without any underpants – no faffing around to gain access and you can keep the rest of the ensemble on for the whole time… who doesn’t want to get their money’s worth?
I have recently tried Hopeless Lingerie from Melbourne. They are sexy but sweet, handmade to size and are made from ethically-sourced materials. I love their quote “we always look to the women with power and control, and channel their energy in every design”.
Or for something more riskee, try Mary’s Secret Boutique, an Australian website with a large range of lingerie and costumes to spice up your relationship.
If you have any concerns or questions regarding any of the content of this post, please please please DM or email me! Every one is different, all our relationships are at different stages and we absolutely must have trust at the heart of all these experiments and flirtations.
Go and have fun and get to know yourselves