“Among all types of sexual activity, masturbation is, however, the one in which the female most frequently reaches orgasm.” – Alfred Charles Kinsey, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female
Worldwide, women are having fewer orgasms than men. The difference has nothing to do with anatomy and everything to do with the cultural expectation that women’s sexuality only exists for others.
Female masturbation should be normalised in order to close this orgasm gap. Why do men feel more comfortable talking about masturbation than women? In film, on TV, in cafes and bars, men seem freer to openly discuss masturbation. It is viewed as a normal form of sexual release. Now think of the last time you saw a woman masturbating on TV or in film. The instances are fewer, and chances are the depiction was of a woman in full make up and lingerie, writhing and groaning on a bed. In other words, the scene was created not to accurately depict the normal act of female self-gratification, but to objectify that character for other’s (i.e. the male gaze).
Part of the orgasm gap stems from women feeling reluctant to discuss female masturbation because it betrays one of the fundamental falsehoods ingrained in us by our patriarchal culture – that women are not as sexual as men, and that any sexuality they do have should be hidden. Women that display overt sexuality are “sluts”.
Fuck that, and start fucking yourself.
Women also feel reluctant, embarrassed or ashamed to openly embrace their sexuality either because they worry they will be seen as over-sexualised or that they will be associated with a stereotypically male behavioral trait. Don’t worry, you’re not weird, we are all socially conditioned to feel like this!
So how do we navigate our gender to a more equal and comfortable female home? A place where the orgasm gap can be closed. A place where we feel comfortable being sexual for ourselves, not for men, not to mimic the media’s depiction of the lingerie-clad, skinny, large-busted women I mentioned before.
We must get to know ourselves, intimately! To close the orgasm gap, we must make sure we are honest with our partners during the course of our sexual relationships (what we like, where we like it and no faking) and we must make sure our friends do too. We must make sure our daughters know what every part of their anatomy is for and we must make sure our sons understand consent and that what they see in pornography is not what is expected of women, nor of them.
We must close this orgasm gap! The power is in our hands… and in our fingertips.
Your sexuality is yours and yours alone. Masturbation is the best way to discover what gives you pleasure..
Go get yours. Not someone else’s.
Want to hear more? Listen to me rant in my podcast A Woman Charged in episode one all about the pleasure inequality that exists in your life.
Click here to see how more mastubation and self-love can significantly improve your life.